Slowly Moving Forward Toward The Light of Peace

Last year brought major change and upsetting and shocking experiences.
This year is a continuation of effort to understand
and overcome heartache stemming from that trauma.
What I am finding in this healing time is that
I am becoming a better woman as I recover.
Letting go of hurt and fear is making room
for alternate emotions: Strength of character;
Self confidence; Acceptance of what happened; Reverence for what is now. I am taking care of myself as I would an invaluable friend. My welfare receives serious attention. One small word can mean so much. SAFE.

Can Graffiti Be Wholesome?

Owen, at Magic Lantern Show, has given me permission to use his photo shown here in this post. His blog is always enlightening and entertaining and visual, and his blog is one I read every day.

His amazing discovery beneath the leaves of ivy, (well, not all of the printing was hidden behind the ivy), causes me to wonder who would have done this much work to paint a love message to their parents. First of all, it would have taken energy and strength to accomplish it, and then it would have taken lots of paint. I would like to be one of the parents. A parent who is cherished and admired. A parent who inspires this kind of pride.

It Should Be Harder To Get Married and Also Harder To Get Divorced

This article in BBC News brought back some memories for me when I was going through a divorce. I was much younger then with three children to raise. I remember telling my soon to be ex-husband that there should be laws strictly enforced making it mandatory for couples wanting to get married to attend prenuptial classes, and also that the weddings could not be for another 6 months after completing the classes. The mandatory classes need to be based on reality, with both parties participating completely. The classes should bring out the honesty and open the eyes of each person to see how they each believe and how they would act in a crisis or how they respect each others individuality. So many people have grown up seeing "love" on TV and in movies, that in some cases that is the only example they have. They are not getting an example of honest hard working loving mature adults at home so they fantasize about Mr or Mrs Right making them tingle all over and taking care of them and all their desires for ever and ever. They are not able to see a clear picture of their part in a real relationship; therefore, they are not prepared for a lasting marriage and they do not understand when the fantasy falls apart.

On the flip side, if a couple is talking about divorce, they have to attend classes and arbitration for a mandatory period of time and if they still want a divorce, they would each have to see a therapist for at least 6 months before legal proceedings could be instituted.

In the BBC News article:
"Couples should have a compulsory three-month "cooling off" period before they can start divorce proceedings, a Conservative think tank will recommend."
...
"A report commissioned by ex-Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith will also propose a network of family relationship centres to advise before and during marriage."

Maybe someday there will be something like this in the US.

Do Parents Matter?

In an article at Scientific American, "A researcher argues that peers are much more important than parents, that psychologists underestimate the power of genetics, and that we have a lot to learn from Asian classrooms".

..."In 1998 Judith Rich Harris, an independent researcher and textbook author, published The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do. The book provocatively argued that parents matter much less—at least when it comes to determining the behavior of their children—than is typically assumed. Instead Harris argued that a child’s peer group is far more critical."

"I’ve put together a lot of evidence showing that children learn at home how to behave at home (that’s where parents do have power!), and they learn outside the home how to behave outside the home."

I suppose that is accurate. I raised three kids. That was the toughest job I ever had. In lots of ways it was the best of all jobs. I know that children learn from their peers and their environment. Parents cannot be with their children every minute. We parents do our best to prepare children for the tests and trials they will meet in life.

Is It A Balloon OR A Ball OR A Belly?

My sister-in-law sent me the picture of her belly. The note on the back of the photo said that my brother had drawn the face on her pregnant belly. I didn't know my brother was such a cool guy.

The little boy in the other picture is Matthew and he made his debut the end on March.
Matthew is the miracle baby of a father who is 65 and a mother who is 54. My brother and sister-in-law had no idea they would be parents at this stage of their lives. When they were told they were pregnant, they were in shock, and then in awe of the blessing. Since they are both in good health and are retired, they have the ability to be full time parents.

There must be a reason that this beautiful boy has been entrusted to my brother and sister-in-law. They are enjoying every minute. Today is my mother's 88th birthday and I know my brother and sister-in-law will be visiting her this week, so she will get to meet her newest grandson. How's that for a unique birthday present?

A Dog Called Chance

This picture was taken by a blogger I read often. The blog is The Far Side of Fifty.

The dog's name is Chance. Isn't this a beautiful dog? For some reason, when I saw this picture I was enthralled. Peaceful, playful scene. Great photography.

Youthful Eyes

Great article on BBC News about laser surgery.

"A ground-breaking laser treatment could prevent millions of older people from going blind, experts believe.

The technique helps reverse the effects of age-related macular degeneration - the leading cause of blindness in over 60s in the western world.

Developed by pioneering eye expert Professor John Marshall of King's College London, the laser returns the back of the eye to its youthful state."

...""What this laser is doing is trying to treat the underlying ageing process, as it were, reset the clock so that you don't have the manifestations of visual loss."

Why can't there be laser surgery that could bring old folks bodies like mine back to our "youthful state".

Why Do We Shout In Anger

I found a great post about anger at Gurushabad.

"When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.
What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small..."

..."When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other."

Take a look at Gurushabad and read the entire post.

Being Repaired Might Look Temporary

This photo clearly shows that somehow we find a way to fix things so they work, but to the onlooker it is a mess. I found this article at Make:Online.

Just as in my life I have been fixing my codependency and healing my depression and PTSD. This is taking a great amount of work, every day work, honest hard work. Harder than manual labor.

Added to my individual recovery work, I am working on repairing my relationship with my husband. To someone not living inside our earth bodies, it may look like things are not fixed. Our judgment is the only significant opinion. And we don't judge harshly these days. We're pretty easy going.

My hubby is working on his own recovery in codependency. He has been clean and sober for eight years. And he has been living with bipolar disorder all his life, in hospitals for manic episodes twelve times. The most recent hospital stay was last summer, a few months after we moved from California to Nebraska.


Our marriage might look like a jury-rigged fragile temporary fix like the one in this picture. For us, it is stronger and better than it ever was. Last year when hubby was taken to a hospital, I was taken to a homeless shelter, where I stayed for 3 1/2 months. Then I moved to a little apartment and that is still my home. I see hubby almost every day and we are still very married and cook together, clean together, watch movies, wash clothes, all the things we used to do when we lived together. For now, this is the way it is working for us, and we are doing better and better every day, one day at a time.

Marvin Gaye Sings

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, AMERICA!!!

The flag is still there!! And it still means something worthwhile.

Remembering Amelia

In the official website of Amelia Earheart, the basic facts cannot describe the woman within the suits and clothes worn by the famous navigator.

"Birth Name: Amelia Mary Earhart
Born: July 24, 1897
Birthplace: Atchison, Kansas
Died: July 2, 1937, en route from Lae, New Guinea to Howland Island
Married: February 7, 1931, to George Putnam

* Despite having to attend six different high schools, she was able to graduate on time.
* Earhart was called "Lady Lindy" because her slim build and facial features resembled that of Charles Lindbergh.
* Earhart refused to don typical flying gear -she wore a suit or dress instead of the "high-bread aviation togs," a close-fitting hat instead of a helmet, didn't put on her goggles until she taxied to the end of the field and removed them immediately upon landing.
* She developed a friendship with Eleanor Roosevelt, who wanted to learn how to fly. Earhart had planned to teach her, for which the First Lady even got her student permit.
* Earhart met Orville Wright at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia in 1937, the same year she disappeared.
* Earhart had such an impression on public that people often wrote and told her about naming babies, lakes and even homing pigeons "Amelia."
* The United States government spent $4 million looking for Earhart, which made it the most costly and intensive air and sea search in history at that time.
* She was the 16th woman to receive a pilot's license from the FAI (License No. 6017)."

For a woman to display courage and intelligence in the early 1900's as she did is an example for all of us even now.

Guitar Lessons At MY AGE????

There have to be other senior citizen types who want to learn to play the guitar. It can't be just for teen and pre-teen creatures who want to see how loud the amp and speakers can reach to break the sound barrier.

I will start my official guitar lessons next week. I might have a little teentsy weentsy advantage in that my teacher is the hubby who just happens to be the best guitar player ever except for maybe Jimi Hendrix and Jeff Beck.

So I 1) don't have to pay for the lessons and 2) won't have to drive somewhere to be on exhibit in front of other students (those teen and pre-teen creatures) and 3) I don't have to buy a guitar because he gave me his Strat that he had when I met him almost 4 years ago (that is the actual photo in this post). I'm not being smug about all this though, because I do know that if I want to truly learn to play anything that sounds like music I will have to do some work. And practice till my fingers hurt and then rest the fingers and then practice more.

So hubby bought me a small amp so I can use the headphones and practice, practice, practice and it won't disturb anyone. Wonder what he meant by that?

Walking For Good Health

The American Heart Association talks about walking and exercise all the time. In this article the benefits of walking at a more moderate pace for a longer time are discussed.

I find myself avoiding things that put stress on me, even if I am the one putting the pressure on myself. It isn't complicated. The human body needs exercise. I get it. Most discussions about how much exercise is necessary seem to be written by a health guru obsessed with how many hours a day they can run, swim, bicycle, or spend on an elliptical or tread machine. Someone like that telling someone like me how wonderful I will feel if I live like that is absurd.

That is why I found the AHA article interesting and non-intimidating.

"Study highlights:

* Walking longer at a slower pace improved heart health much more effectively than standard cardiac rehabilitation of walking a shorter distance at a brisker pace in overweight patients with coronary heart disease.
* In this study, moderate-pace walking for 45–60 minutes on five to six days was considered high-calorie-burning exercise.
* Researchers said it’s necessary to modify traditional rehabilitation because more heart patients are overweight."

..."In a first-of-its-kind study, researchers randomized 74 overweight cardiac rehabilitation patients (average age 64, 20 percent women) to either a high-caloric expenditure exercise regimen intended to burn 3,000 to 3,500 calories a week or a standard rehab therapy burning 700 to 800 calories weekly."

..."The study’s message is “walk often and walk far.”"

Often for me would be 5 days a week. Far would be one hour.

Thank You, Farrah Fawcett

Someone I admired is no longer in pain.

Farrah Fawcett was officially one of the "Charlie's Angels" for only one season; however, she is remembered as one of the Angels in most things written about her.
The fact that she chose to leave the popular television show after only one year was a choice she made. Some of her later roles showed the depth of her acting ability that would not have been prominent if she had remained in "Charlie's Angels".

I have never had the type of hair that could resemble or duplicate Farrah's amazing look, much to my regret. Instead of being jealous of her natural beauty and sex symbol status, it felt like we women were in a club celebrating our female humanness. There was something about Farrah that made me feel she didn't have her nose in the air; she was one of us.

Goodbye, Farrah, till we meet again in a better place.

There is a really nice article about Farrah on CNN News.

The Power In Holding Hands

In our other blog I wrote one of my first posts.

It was this quote:

" Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. "
~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

That post is dated 9/23/06.

We are still holding hands. Sometimes just to hold each other up. Sometimes when we laugh. Sometimes when we cry. We haven't been writing in that other blog this past year, but like the rest of our healing, we will return to the sweetness and affection generated in that other blog.

This quote actually means more to me now than it did 3 years ago. The comfort of knowing someone intimately and walking through the fiery destruction, only to rebuild a stronger support BECAUSE WE CHOOSE TO. We choose to keep what is worth keeping: Our mutual understanding; our worthiness; our individual recoveries that spill over into our still strong relationship. And then we kindly blow away the lingering pain and disappointment as we set our own private standards for our unique marriage. It may not be a conventional union but only we can hear the quiet tick that operates the clock of our existence.

Shhh, listen to the tick, tick, tick.